The most common fear among parents at Mary Beth Somich’s private practice in North Carolina is that they will pass on their mental health issues to their children. Often another family member has experienced these struggles and parents worry that this story will extend to their children.
They fear perpetuating these intergenerational cycles and seek mental health support as a means to be proactive, says Somich, LCMHC, a licensed therapist specializing in family dynamics, boundaries and anxiety and host of the podcast, What does my therapist think. As a therapist, I am very confident when a parent exercises that level of insight and initiative.
More from SheKnows
If you find yourself in the same situation, wondering if your child will inherit the same fears, anxieties, or neuroses as you, you are also probably wondering if this inheritance is through nature or through nurture. The truth is, perhaps frustratingly, that it can be a bit of both. A child whose parent has anxiety is more likely to develop the disorder, and studies show that genetic changes resulting from experiencing trauma can be passed on to children or grandchildren.
Even without generational trauma, your child may be capturing your fears through learned behaviors. Children use their parents as an indicator of how to relate to the world, and therefore may observe and internalize your fears, anxieties or neuroses from childhood.
Click here to read the full article.
Rational anxiety isn’t necessarily a bad thing, says Somich. However, when it becomes irrational, normalized and accepted in the home culture, you run the risk of passing it down and projecting it onto your children in a way that can negatively impact them.
You may research what to do when you see that impact (and don’t worry, those suggestions are coming), but seeking professional mental health support is your strongest line of defense.
It’s good practice to examine your own stress responses, says Jane Hammerslough, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York, Massachusetts and California, a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, and the author of more than 25 books for young readers. and adults.
Hammerslough also suggests trying her BOAT technique when you’re feeling anxious around your child. In the acronym, the first step is to Breathe. When the mind is anxious, people have a narrow view of the situation, so deep breaths can help relax the body and broaden that view.
The next step is to To observe your feelings with a non-judgmental curiosity. Notice it, give it a name and then move on to the next steps, Acceptance AND Thought. Tell yourself, I accept that I am feeling anxious, I accept that this is happening, and then think, Okay, is it possible or likely that this scenario that I am concerned about is going to happen? As possible or probable? advises Hammerslough. This can help you get out of a spiral and into the present.
In more specific terms, let’s say you experience social anxiety. While you may dread small talk and happy hours, you probably don’t want your child to feel the same way about dating and partying.
With social anxiety, there are often avoidance behaviors at play, Somich says. A parent may isolate or avoid social gatherings altogether. This can limit social opportunities for the child, putting them at a disadvantage in terms of building social skills and potentially transmitting social insecurity.
Somich says you can enlist the help of a trusted adult (is your spouse a social butterfly?) to provide your children with healthy exposure to social situations—that way your child can see that it’s possible to feel comfortable and adjusted in social environments.
It’s also important to try not to hover when your child is in social situations, says Erlanger Turner, Ph.D., a California-licensed psychologist and founder of Therapy for Black Kids. Encourage your child to play with peers, but don’t force him to interact if he seems reluctant. This added pressure can increase their distrust.
Or maybe you’re a fearful flyer, but want to raise a globetrotting kid. You can talk about your fears with your child by saying, “I’m feeling anxious right now because I’m not used to flying.” I will take deep breaths as they help me feel calmer. Do you want to take them with me? Somich suggests.
This is helpful when you notice your child picking up on your feelings, but if they’re happy, avoid leaning over backwards to make the experience seem non-scary.
It may never have occurred to your child that he wasn’t sure because he didn’t know it could be dangerous, says Hommerslaugh.
Repeatedly telling them not to be afraid can make them rethink.
And of course, many of us are still dealing with the lingering impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, especially if we had an aversion to germs to begin with. Even though we’re no longer in the midst of the pandemic, you may still feel spiraling if you can’t find your own hand sanitizer.
To help kids feel safe but not develop a phobia, I think it’s helpful to create some rules to limit exposure to germs without being extreme, Turner says.
Maybe you insist on washing your hands before meals or after playing outside, but you don’t let your kids sanitize their hands as they run between the swing and slide.
Somich acknowledges that the pandemic has made many people anxious. He says some of that anxiety is rational, considering the health and safety risks, but that it can sometimes become inflated.
There’s a common narrative that protecting your children from potential harm is loving and protective, says Somich. While this is not false, there are certainly instances where it can be taken too far and can actually be detrimental to a child’s emotional development.
If you see your child modeling your fears, anxieties and neuroses, Turner says it’s never too early to seek professional help. This is especially true if the behavior negatively impacts your child’s ability to function normally (ask yourself, is he still able to focus? Is he maintaining a social life?) or causes significant distress. Your child’s pediatrician should be able to connect you with a mental health professional.
If this anxiety legacy concept makes you tense your shoulders and bounce your leg, remember that it’s not a fact.
Just because a parent may struggle with some fears doesn’t automatically mean the child will develop similar fears, Turner says.
And just like it’s never too early to start, Hammerslough says the opposite is also true.
This can be faced at any time, even in families with teenagers, Hammerslough says. I don’t think it’s ever too late.
The best of SheKnows
Sign up for the SheKnows newsletter.
For the latest news, follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
#avoid #passing #fears #anxieties #children
Image Source : www.yahoo.com